Well, the raging was getting better.
I finally got out to see him Saturday after a week of being snowbound. (I need a plow on the front of our vehicle - our little scary hill never gets plowed.)
It was so good to see him and be with him. Our good friend Jean came to visit Craig while I was there. Everything was fine for awhile, Craig engaged in on the conversation and then all of the sudden he just lost it and started screaming and raging out of nowhere. Poor Jean. Welcome to the ugly side of Alz. Just like that. He went from sweet & calm to in a complete rage. I ran to get the nurse and emotionally, I had to leave the room while they worked with him. It is utterly heartbreaking to watch the emotional pain Craig goes through during these rages. The nurse says he is aware of where he used to be and where he is now and he lashes out in severe frustration.
Screaming obscenities, telling everyone at the top of his lungs to SHUT UP!, looking me straight in the eye with what I can only describe as deep loathing and yelling at me "I HATE YOU!" After several attempts of trying to calm him down and distract him, it was obvious that he needed to be medicated.
I hate Alzheimer's.
Afterward our friend Jean posted this on Facebook:
Today I visited a friend in the Alzheimer's unit....He knows who he used to be and knows where he is......He is Frustrated and angry...VERY sad to watch....Please love your loved ones....YOU never know what is next.....Breaks my heart.....My 1st experience with this....:( The staff said they need people to come and visit because if no one comes they feel abandonded......
"Because if no one comes by they feel abandoned...." When the nurse told Jean this, I wondered if Craig lost it because I wasn't able to get there for so many days and felt that I had abandoned him. We'll never know and either way it is part of the progression of the monstrous disease, but on my side of the disease it is another factor where it attacks me with more guilt.
I noticed a sweet Teddy Bear on his bed. I have no idea where it came from. If it was one of you, thank you. Thank you for visiting and thank you for being so thoughtful. I'd love to hear from those of you that visit with Craig. It takes a load off of my heart to know others are there with him, making him smile. It also gives me something to talk with him about while I am there.
I wish I had better news to post. You have no idea how much I wish that.
I hate Alzheimer's.
Afterward our friend Jean posted this on Facebook:
Today I visited a friend in the Alzheimer's unit....He knows who he used to be and knows where he is......He is Frustrated and angry...VERY sad to watch....Please love your loved ones....YOU never know what is next.....Breaks my heart.....My 1st experience with this....:( The staff said they need people to come and visit because if no one comes they feel abandonded......
"Because if no one comes by they feel abandoned...." When the nurse told Jean this, I wondered if Craig lost it because I wasn't able to get there for so many days and felt that I had abandoned him. We'll never know and either way it is part of the progression of the monstrous disease, but on my side of the disease it is another factor where it attacks me with more guilt.
I noticed a sweet Teddy Bear on his bed. I have no idea where it came from. If it was one of you, thank you. Thank you for visiting and thank you for being so thoughtful. I'd love to hear from those of you that visit with Craig. It takes a load off of my heart to know others are there with him, making him smile. It also gives me something to talk with him about while I am there.
I wish I had better news to post. You have no idea how much I wish that.
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