Claudia's Bulletin Board: Reluctantly Relented

After over a year of my therapist urging me to take a break from the demands of dementia care, then after I ended up in the Emergency Room with chest pains, I finally got the hint that maybe I did need a break after all. Even though Craig lives in a memory care community, I am so hell-bent on him getting the best care money can buy that I put a ton of stress on myself in the process. I can't help it. I love him. To infinity and beyond. Yes, I am obsessively overprotective of him.

I learned through my little trip to the ER and a huge lecture from the doctor, that if I don't take care of myself, I cannot take care of anyone else.....that was a hard pill for me to swallow; so very reluctantly I relented and took a week off. My therapist feels that I need to go back to the places that Craig and I used to go together. My first thought was, "ouch". Then I needed to contact his friends that own the house in Hawaii that we used to stay at together and they very graciously allowed me to go back. Then I had pet sitting/house sitting to arrange, and I would not leave without someone visiting Craig daily with daily reports to me and let me talk to Craig on the phone. Still obsessive. No argument there......So off I flew for a week and did nothing but see Craig everywhere. I looked for him everywhere. It was extremely painful. I went through every emotion.... especially guilt. Survivors guilt. Again and again. It sucked. How was I supposed to relax when all I wanted was Craig with me? But I tried.

Talking to Craig on the phone was the highlight of my trip! He was amazing! He knew exactly who I was, he would ask me, "where are you?" "When are you coming back?" "I love you too". And when I told him I didn't want to travel without him again and wanted him to come with me next time he immediately responded with "I hope so!" He tried to tell me other things, mostly garbled language but I could make out something about Larry. I wondered if Larry came to visit him. I got to talk to him several times and our dear, dear highly valued friend Jean who would call me and put Craig on the phone said she'd never seen anything like it. Craig would stare at the phone until Jean put me back on several times and he would lean in to hear me and even raise his shoulder to get the phone closer. His brain works very well. Now if we could just figure out how to cleanse the protein deposits from the Lewy Body disease out of his brain......

When I returned he was all smiles and filled with happiness that I was back with him. BEST feeling in the world to me. He's making and holding eye contact, giving me hugs and holding me again and kissing me always!! Our dear, loved-filled friend Sylvia whose mother lives there also, kept a keen eye on Craig too while I was away. I cannot express my gratitude enough for you ANGELS (other family members) who watch over him when I am not there. We text back and forth so much about each other's loved ones that I finally had to buy an unlimited text plan on my cell phone. I love it. We all understand each others struggles, we all "get it". We are connected. Because nobody really understands unless you've walked in our shoes. Which is another area we are connected. We all know what that feels like. I love to watch the husbands & wives dote on their spouses, I love to watch the children ensure their mother or father is well tended to. If you want to know what real love is, come and experience this. You fall in love with everyone elses family members. And your heart wraps especially around those whose loved ones just leave them there. Love, love, love. I put a shell necklace around one lady's neck yesterday and she said to me, "oh good, there really is someone nice here" and gave me a hug. Will she remember? I don't know, but I was her moment. And that's all it took out of my life, was a moment that neither of us will ever get back. And I'll never forget. It was her world. And she smiled a smile I have never seen on her. How do you not love that? One of the "Jean's" family never comes to visit her. Today I put a strand of pearls I brought back around her neck and she glowed and beamed from ear to ear. It made my day.

I'm so happy to be back. My "break" was okay. But I'm happier to back with Craig and see how well he is doing without so many medications - he is much more alert and aware. He still has some sleepy days, but not nearly as many. He's so much better. No more primal screams. Not so many fits of anger. He's out in activities more of the day (unless it's too loud, then he prefers his room). I have a ROKU hooked up to his TV now so we can stream movies, music on Pandora and tv shows over the internet in there. It's great. Please feel free to use it if you visit Craig.

Chip, Andy and Kyle are all coming for an early Christmas in early December. I'm so excited. Craig is really happy about it.